I was at my brink. A new move to a new state, a million days and counting of a pandemic, isolation from friends and family, four kids, and new home renovations (after severe water damage) had me pulling my hair out. I hadn’t quite regained my former fitness after having my last baby a year ago and was feeling very discouraged. I was feeling overwhelmed — like it was impossible to focus any energy on myself.

I finally decided I had to help myself. It was time to make me a priority again. I committed to doing yoga every day for 7 days. I promised myself to cut out junk food to strengthen my body and my mind. Now my goal here wasn’t weight loss but feeling healthier, stronger, and maybe a tad saner. Ok, maybe a lot saner. I was searching for clarity in a way. There is a theory in psychology that suggests if the image we have of ourselves in our mind and what we see in the mirror are similar we can have harmony. I needed to be able to see myself for who I believed I was.

Day One: The first day was a blur. I felt tired and sluggish as I started through a yoga video on YouTube. It felt good to wake up my body and stretch it out. I ate more fruits and vegetables and didn’t drink any wine in the evening like I usually do. It wasn’t amazing and it wasn’t hard.

Day Two: The second day was hard. Brutally and painfully hard. I don’t even know why. I wanted snacks. I wanted a nap. The kids crying and arguing made me want to lock myself in the closet with a bottle of cab and call it an early night. But I unrolled my yoga mat. I put the video on. I tried to ground myself and focus on my body, my breath, and myself. Afterward, I felt a little better.

Day Three: I woke up feeling great. My energy was notable. I didn’t have as many cravings and was feeling pretty good. My patience was helping me with kids and I was really looking forward to putting my baby down for her nap so I could enjoy that time again.

Day Six: This continued until day six I woke up at 6 am. I usually go back to sleep but that day I was ready for the day, I felt good. My baby sleeping on my left and my husband was sound asleep on my right and I could just breathe. I didn’t feel like they were squishing me for once. I just felt like their presence made the whole world right. There it was - appreciation... Gratitude. Anxiety can not be present alongside gratitude. I felt some peace. Some clarity, I think. I crept out of bed and grabbed my sneakers. I hadn’t run in years but it was time. As I jogged out onto our country road, the sun was rising over the farms, yellow and glowing. The morning light was filling the blue sky, all while making the fields glow with a richness that made me feel warm despite the cool chill in the air that morning.

As I jogged down the road, passing the creeks and a few grazing cows, I felt at peace. I felt at one with myself mentally and physically. I had to go slow since I was not used to running anymore but I focused on the strength I’d been building in yoga. I focused on the breathing and the centeredness that I have been practicing every day. And I felt good. This feeling is temporary and I know this. I don’t think yoga or healthy eating can fix everything but I did find some joy I was looking for that day. It gave me hope.

Day Seven: Making my physical, emotional, and even spiritual health a priority was improving my daily life. It seemed to even help my relationships with my husband, children, and most importantly, my relationship with myself. Yoga is not a magic fix for exhaustion or mental health but it helped me bring a little focus and intention into every day. Spending more time focusing on the good that I want to have in my life brought me the ability to slow down and focus on what really matters. Most importantly focusing on MYSELF and MY health allowed me to regain the strength I needed.